Always looking for any reason to hope, I cradle his words close so that I can replay them over and over again. He thinks I am wonderful, brilliant, and a great friend. If it weren’t for the friend part, this would be as good as a marriage proposal to me. I am on alert for a sparkle in his eye, telling tug of his mouth, anything to validate my heart’s reaction to him. We’ve been friends for seven years now. I have detailed memories of every second spent together. Dinners with his family, meeting his boss, helping him move last year when he got the job. Not a day goes by without his phone call. We talk about his day, my day, when we’ll see each other next. I can’t stop the school girl grinning anytime I think of him.
He’s not mine though, except in my heart. We’re just friends. Although, that’s temporary. It’s not the right time. He’s got a lot going on with the new job now, so maybe when he gets settled he’ll be ready to get serious. That’s what I tell myself. He loved the tie I bought him to wear on his first day. Said it was his good luck charm.
Friends say I’m pathetic, deserve more, should move on. My head knows they’re right, but my heart won’t listen.
I loved this piece Lillie! I can relate to it many times over!
ReplyDeleteThe description of the times they have spent together is magic! The piece flows very well and leads into an exciting ending. Great way to end this piece.
I like how you used the prompt at the end of your piece. I also like the detail about the tie being a good luck charm. :)
ReplyDeleteI know this girl! Why do women get so sucked in? leaved you wanting more.
ReplyDeleteI love it. Like Kimberlee, I too love that you used the promt at the end and not at the beginning. And it infuses the piece with so much hope that way. As I read about it not being the right time and so on, I found myself rooting for the narrator, hoping something had happened or would happen to increase her chances of finally being with him, so I was relieved to read that last line. =)
ReplyDelete/ Rain
I hope what she saw was real and not imagined. It's so easy to convince ourselves of the things we want to see ...
ReplyDeleteThis really drew me in. I WANT the happy ending for her that she wants for herself, while as her friend, I would tell her to let him go.
I think this was a great piece because it was relatable and very human. Also, the descriptions were adorable and I found myself really rooting for the character, just like Sarah Mac...
ReplyDeleteYour characterization drew me in and makes me want more. I related to your character so deeply. Thank you for sharing!
ReplyDeleteI really like this piece..I like the last line the best...' Besides, I thought I saw something'...very clever!! I can relate!!
ReplyDeleteLoved it, I like the character's mind.
ReplyDeleteJust one thing to watch out for at the beginning you jump a bit between times as in 'cradled' and then 'can' in the first line.
I'm sorry to be nitpicking but I really liked the piece and I know I've made that mistake before and when it's pointed out you can keep an eye out for it.
I really felt you captured that feeling of wanting something to be more than it is. I hope she did see something!
ReplyDeleteLOVE how you used the prompt! Really felt the desire in this piece, your words really told their story I think.
ReplyDeleteLet's hope the thing she saw wasn't just in her imagination!
ReplyDeleteThis is one of those universal experiences and I love the way you expressed it.
Thank you for all of the comments! This is a girl I can definitely relate to. I like to think it worked out for her, even if not for me :)
ReplyDeleteAnd, Tessa you were right about the first sentence! Thanks. I didn't even notice that!
I like it Lillie, feel a little sad for her, stuck in time, yet still hoping... well written,
ReplyDeleteKate
PS i'll try and do 5 sentence fiction over the weekend - weeks are too crazy , can barely get WoW done even though it's so fun!
I like that the prompt was in the last line. So what did she see, was it just something she wanted to see? Nicely written.
ReplyDeleteYes I like the use of the prompt, in the way you've used it the "something" that she saw is not a material thing, it's just.....something! Poor girl, most of us have been there before :(
ReplyDeleteYes, you have captured one of those universal feelings. And a clever way to approach the prompt - you made it work well for you, Lillie. I felt the emotion in this piece!
ReplyDeleteBrilliant! So much so, I'm afraid it might have come from a true place, which added a dimension as I read it. But I hope not... :/
ReplyDeleteThe last line is perfectly placed.. cheeky! Just when we think she might break the cycle... now her story continues in my head. ;) Excellent writing!